A Moment Like This

It seems I am always having these moments... the moments where any minute my life is going to change. Seriously, any moment now, a certain event will send me on my next path... a more steady one. There is one thing I need to make clear-- California is amazing. Being here has proven so many things that I never would've learned anywhere else. I will never get to run with this kind of scenery as my backdrop ever again, and I do fear I didn't take advantage of it as much as I should have. Public transportation, while it is pretty sketchy sometimes and smelly, it is such an amazing thing not having to worry about having gas in the car for work tomorrow, or when we've had a couple drinks at happy hour that I can just hop on a bus and be home.

I love that I can wear anything I want and no one even notices if my leggings done quite match my dress or shoes or purse or anything that I'm wearing for that matter. The people here can do and be who they are without worrying what others think or what others may do to them. People here are genuinely happy I feel, just not quite as open to meeting people as I would've liked.

I love that there are free concerts and events going on every weekend and that there are new places to explore if I choose to do so. But a year or ten months, that's all I need. The 10 months I've been here-- five of which living in Berkeley, which in itself is an experience-- and then the last five here in the city, in the very center of the city... that's all I need. It's enough for me to know how this part of the world/nation works, what people are like and more importantly that it's not where I want to settle down. Not that I'll be settling anytime soon... let's call it finally being able to have two feet on the ground.

See while yes, I have had a job these past ten months... one that I absolutely love... I don't feel like it's leading me where I want to be. Sure, I can stay on "long term" but I would still be a supplemental employee... paying $900 a month for a room in a house where there is no living room, but one old bathroom and kitchen for four people to use. While I have met some amazing people here, I never found my niche here. Yes, I know I have only been here ten months, but that is long enough-- especially for me-- to make friends and find a group that wants to hang out with me as much or more than I want to hang out with them. But that just hasn't happened. I feel most comfortable out here when I'm with Jan and Dave, the older couple that have been so amazing to me... but they aren't going to adopt me, ya know?!

Anyway, I keep talking like I'm moving... but I guess I shouldn't do that. Because what if my moment that I am so highly anticipating... what if it doesn't come? Well, I guess I'll continue doing what I'm doing, maybe look for a better place to live with a living room... after all how can you live with no living room? I'll have to figure things out...
a
But this moment, this critical moment that could come as quickly as a California wildfire... will change everything. I'll not only be able to live closer to those who I love and live for, but I will have a steady job, some kind of outlook into the future, my dog living with me, and the new opportunities that living in a new town presents... just as I've experienced here. I think I've gotten pretty good at knowing what I want, and this is it. So now... I wait.